For many years, I have been working with the vulnerable energies of ‘Healing the Sisterhood Wound’. Now, for the past year and a half, I have been weaving those energy threads into what I hope will soon be a deep and soulful healing experience for women of all ages ~ A true and powerful Sisterhood Healing Circle.
If you feel a stirring right away, please go ahead, send me an e-mail telling me that you would like to join the circle. (helgasoley@gmail.com) Then, when ready, I can send you all about what it offers, and what it entails. About my commitment, and your commitment and involvement.
But if you want to know a little more, please read on. There is a little story behind why I’m doing this. And maybe you would like to hear it.
In the summer of 2018 I was invited to attend a 300+ women's gathering in Canada, as a keynote speaker. The host and organiser, a good friend of mine, strongly believed I could offer the women at the conference something special, something of lasting value, though neither one of us knew at that time what exactly that offering would be.
My initial thought about the topic of my talk, undoubtedly hers as well, was that it was bound to be about the spiritual essence of Iceland, the medicine of Iceland - how Iceland has profound wisdom to share with us about our own sacred essence. How Iceland can guide us into remembering and awakening to our true authenticity, purity, rawness, wildness and creativity. Sacred Iceland ~ ‘A gateway to your soul’, as is the tagline of my well-being travel website Sacred Iceland.
But.
Then, when I started preparing the talk … it … somehow … didn’t … .. flow.
I let the preparation linger for a bit, as I quietly called on my muse, and ‘inspiration’ to become the wind beneath my wings. I wasn’t worried at all that my talk wouldn’t come together, as my life is so entwined with the topic of ‘The Sacredness of Iceland’ and how that sacredness can serve as a spiritual guide or path. I knew the words, structure and flow would come and that I would for sure be able to prepare my 18 minutes long talk, and one hour workshop stress free.
But then time started ticking. I had to turn in my presentation title and the topic of my workshop soon. Time was running out. The deadline was drawing nearer and nearer, and still my preparation wasn’t flowing. So I decided I had to let go of all preconceived ideas about what my talk would be about, and summon my soul for guidance.
I went walking in nature, and sat down in meditation. I turned my awareness inward and posed the million dollar question, “How can I best serve at this women gathering?”
The answer hit me like lightning: “Talk about the sisterhood wound”
At first I was flabbergasted.
I almost didn’t believe what I felt was being asked of me by my very own soul! I got all flustered and my heart started beating faster. What do you mean? Talk about the sisterhood wound? That would strip me bare. Are you crazy?!
...
But it rang so true in my heart, and to this day I believe it is exactly what needs to be addressed within women circles. Especially now as the feminine is truly becoming more and more visible in our world again - She, is taking her rightful place next to her beloved, the masculine - and sisterhood circles are forming in increased numbers around our planet - for empowerment, for support, for the warmth of belonging, for joy and lightness!
So I took on the job.
At the conference I indeed spoke about The Sisterhood Wound, and then invited those who felt called into a Sisterhood Healing Circle later in the afternoon.
In short, I was absolutely stunned by how many women showed up for the healing circle! That is why I am doing this. I was deeply moved by our apparent need for ‘Healing the Sisterhood Wound’.
When I first got the ‘prompt’ to speak out loud about this wound at the women gathering, when I was asked (by my soul I want to believe) to dedicate my talk to our sisterhood wounds, I fell in the trap of thinking to myself, that surely this was not such a big deal to most women. That it had just been me who was different. That I had been way too vulnerable, and had taken these wounds way too seriously - that in the past I had been way too soft, and overly dramatic over my ‘spills’ with girls and women. Not in my wildest imagination did I think other women were experiencing this too, so deeply. Sisterhood wounds. I just thought it must have been me who was flawed, taking it all so badly.
I know that this self-doubt, this believe that I was being overly dramatic about the whole sisterhood wound thing, was the reason why it took me so long to heal after my last one, because I was ashamed that something like this, a fall out between me and a woman friend, could affect me so. But ‘lo and behold’ - when I started preparing I began talking to women friends and acquaintances in my circles, asking them about their view and experience of sisterhood wounds. They all answered with enthusiasm and emotions.
They had all felt it, and they were all deeply aware of it, and some deeply affected by it. Jealousy, competition, trust issues, pure cruelty. They had all felt it, and they were all super supportive toward me raising its awareness like this, speaking out loud about it. That gave me a resounding ‘Yes’ to go ahead with this topic.
What also surprised me greatly at the conference, and is further one of the biggest reasons for why I’m still dedicating time to this ‘cause’ if I may use that word, when I am also seeing an international mind body spirit travel and lifestyle community through to launch (2020), is that the strongest of women were perhaps moved the most by the talk and healing circle.
Yes, that’s right. The women we look up to as being couragous, showing repeated strength through their endeavors and composure. They were really deeply moved. Moved to tears. It turned out that the sisterhood wound was one of their biggest wounds. Having been the target of jealousy, even hatred, from other women since childhood, had made some of them guarded. Had hardened them to the point of feeling ‘icy’, ‘not approachable’ toward other women. Or constantly wearing a mask.
You relate? Anyone out there relates?
If so, you have my embrace. I’m here for you. It’s hard. I know. But we can heal together.
One day you will feel secure enough to completely take off your mask around women again, and allow yourself to become all soft and jelly-like around them if you want. Also with women relatives and girlfriends. Friends that are girls, friends that are women.
You will be able to have that vulnerable laugh, knowing you are admired for being just the way you are, with all your pros and cons. With or without makeup. Not constantly looking over your shoulder, waiting for that backstab you are so familiar with, and you’ve learned to defend yourself from with all means possible - even avoiding women friendships all together. Always being that ‘one girl’ in a group of male friends. It’s cool, it’s fun. I get it! I personally know the feeling. But still quietly longing for those women friendships, that others seem to be enjoying, and you know deep in your soul is so nourishing and warm. I know.
Since childhood, my journey with women friends and sisterhoods hasn’t exactly been a path of rose petals. I grew up in the east of Iceland, in a little town of 1100 people, and I didn’t really have that ‘one good friend’ until I was about 11 or 12. I don’t know, maybe it was because I was ‘the big boned girl’ (that’s what my younger self believed at that time! So sad, I know), maybe it was because I was ‘strange’ - my family was a bit too ‘New-agey’ for most of the people in town. We were gossiped about and made fun of. Maybe it was my vivid imagination that kept me separate, not knowing sometimes what was real and what wasn’t.
Then when I was eight, turning nine, we moved all the way across the country to the big city, to the capital for one year. Maybe that could also have had something to do with it. Not being around.
It was there and then I got one of my first bad sisterhood wounds.
It still stings till this day.
I know people would probably call what happened something else today, perhaps bullying, but to me, it was the infliction of a sisterhood wound that stuck with me - and I know for a fact that that wound became the perpetrator for a lot of self-doubt and victimhood tendencies within me that have lasted till this day. Though surely those feelings have subsided a lot with adulthood. But imagine! That something that happened to me when I was eight, amongst children playing, (it wasn’t even that cruel) still stings today.
We were three girls playing after music class, a class that took place after regular school hours. It was winter, so it had become really dark at that time. I believed we were all friends. I was really happy to have finally found friends in a new school.
In fact, just now as I type I’m thinking, perhaps that was the reason the wounding was so deep! It was because I had let my guard down with them! I thought I had finally found friends, and I trusted them. I was happy. Finally, I had friends. Finally. That is why what happened next hurt so bad. It was a shock to a mere eight year old.
We were playing hide and seek. The school building was built on a slope, and we were playing by the end of the building which was half basement, half ground floor. The exit doors by the music room led to an outdoor corridor which further led to a flight of stairs up to the main school grounds. That’s where we were playing. In the outdoor corridor.
I was ‘it’, and therefore had been blindfolded - my scarf securely fastened to make sure I wouldn’t be able to cheat. Then they hid, I counted, and the game was on. You know the drill. The corridor marked the size of the territory. I started looking, and I looked and looked, fumbled around in the dark, heard girly giggles here and there to begin with - it was fun, we were playing.
Then I asked them to make louder sounds, you know, as you do, just a few little squeaky sounds, so the game could continue. It was getting too drawn-out, and I wasn’t finding them. But they didn’t want to be heard (or so I thought, as they didn’t make any sounds) so I just kept on looking. But it had become terribly quiet.
Then after a lot of “Girls come on, where are you, make little noises”. And then, “Hey girls, it’s not fun anymore, where are you?” (This is what you get for playing by the rules all the time). I was so not going to take off my blindfold! No way. I was going to find them! Even though they weren’t making any noises. I was gonna find them. They were just making fun.
Then all of a sudden I felt terribly cold, and this uneasy feeling swept over me. I can still remember it so vividly, as the memory is very crisp in my whole being. I stopped looking, stood very still and only heard the sound of my own breathing. I got this terrible feeling that there was no one around me. That I was all alone. I couldn’t sense anyone. That’s when it first hit me that they had perhaps left me.
I took down the blindfold, and yes, there was no one there. I was all alone in that outdoor corridor. No girls. No friends. They had just abandoned me.
I don’t remember the walk home, or if I even told mum and dad. I just remember this horrible feeling of being left alone in the dark. Jeez, I’ve seldom felt as lonely in my life.
Well, there you have it. Abandonment. One of my first sisterhood wounds. Failed trust toward girls who were supposed to be my friends.
For some reason, I became their target. They played me. And in a pretty nasty way. They were only kids, I know, and there are far worse things children have to endure, rough physical cruelty by other children I know. In that sense nothing bad happened to me. Absolutely. I know.
Yet, it was a childhood shock that for some reason became a wound that only grew with time. And there were only more wounds waiting on the horizon, as is the case with life - Sisterhood wounds I got as a teenager, as a young woman in university, as an adult partaking in projects with other like minded women I thought were soul sisters. We do get hurt. That’s just the way of life. We get hurt, and we inflict wounds upon others. Inadvertently or not. But we do. And - we need to heal those wounds. Especially if they are in any way inhibiting our growth ~ our awakening to our soul consciousness.
When I was asked to be a speaker at the women’s gathering in Canada, I had privately been working on healing my old sisterhood wounds for a few years. Especially a particularly bad one from adulthood, that yes, let's just say it, paralyzed my sisterhood skills for a long time. It was multi-layered, obviously entwined with many other wounds, so making up somewhat of a ' biggie’!
So I had been consciously giving my wounds a voice in private for some time, mostly with writing, but also with visualization and healing meditations. So I suppose with all my wounds and all my dedication toward healing them made me a perfect candidate for the job! The job of speaking out loud about Sisterhood wounds to all those women, with minimum public speaking experience under my belt.
Perhaps my journey with my wounds had been training me for exactly that moment. Who knows?
The speaker program and the presentation titles that were already online when I was still preparing mine, entailed very empowering and uplifting words, so I decided to dress up the words ‘Healing the Sisterhood Wound’ so the talk wouldn’t stick out like a sore thumb.
Therefore my presentation title was ‘The Sacredness of Sisterhood’, and the short description was ‘A sharing and reflection on how we can allow for growth and transformation to occur in our lives by honoring our women bonds with presence, engagement and kindness. For the Greatest Good 〜 Always ♡’
Later in the day my workshop offering was: ‘Sisterhood Healing Circle’, and the short Description: ‘Enter transformative space of healing and embracement, The ROSE of Sisterhood ~ Round, Open-hearted, Sacred and Empowering.’
Women are stronger together. That’s the truth. Let no-one tell us otherwise.
Perhaps the hardest part to accept about the layered Sisterhood Wound, is that its deepest layer is the millenia old, still bleeding, Woman Wound. It is so deep-seated in our psyche, that it is almost rooted in our collective. We absolutely need to heal that wound, and it is my strong conviction that this wound is not just ours. Women and men need to heal that wound together.
There are many levels (realms and cycles) to this complex collective work of healing and reuniting the yin and the yang in ourselves and our societies. There are many entry points ~ but when we women come together as sisters, creating a sisterhood healing balm amongst us, we are supporting the healing of the masculine and the male-female union simultaneously.
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Dear radiant sister ~
Please e-mail me if you would like to take your seat in our sacred sisterhood circle ~ for Empowerment, for Healing. For the sense of Belonging. Please feel the warm welcome to join us.
Your healing sister,
Helga Sóley
helgasoley@gmail.com